Befriend ambiguity and harness the unknown. By mindfully embracing the fact that we live in a moving present, we can hold realistic hopes for the future, based on what we have learned from the past. It’s no secret; it’s in front of us all the time.
Speaking personally, without acknowledging these uncomfortable truths, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
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Greatest Male Role Model?
Terence Real, family therapist, author of “I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.” Recommended to me years ago by a family member, book sat on a shelf until I was truly ready to look inward as a man. It has been an instrumental text in my understanding of myself and my preparation for becoming a father. It was, in part, the inspiration for my creating the Lamorinda Dads group. It has changed the way I do psychotherapy with many of my male clients, and continues to nurture new growth each time I flip to its familiar pages.
Best Advice I Ever Got
“Stay loose!” — a phrase used by my father, previously used by his father. In times of stress, remembering this phrase has often given me opportunities for mindful awareness of how I am feeling in my body, and in my psychological emotional core. Staying loose, to me, means existing in this present moment, and feeling enough safety to reflect my most authentic self.
What's Next For Me
Whats next for me is primarily, to have a healthy baby; to bond with that kid like I’ve never bonded before — as a father. I hope to see Lamorinda Dads grow over time, breaking through the black mirror of digital connection and into supportive relationships IRL. I believe many dads in Lamorinda are eager to find that sense of community and belonging, and I’m pleased to be offering a forum for it to grow.
I also opened a psychotherapy practice in downtown Lafayette this past December, working with adults, kids, and teens. Even in these first few months, I’ve been so pleased with the growth of my business and the opportunity to contribute to the vibrant Lamorinda community.
Matthew Fishleder, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist #100802